Portable Nonsense

Wherein Starbucks is Generally Bad

Now we all know that Starbucks isn't great as a company or at producing goods. I'm not the first to comment on this, but allow me to briefly add something else to the pile. I just found what happened to be amusingly absurd.

Setting: Home office. Plot: Phones and cards and digital madness.

Let the story begin! My lady-wife-4-life found a stray Starbucks card on her desk, which is right next to mine. It was in her way and she doesn't deal well with gift cards, so she did as she usually does and tossed it onto my desk without comment. I was in the middle of something so I set it aside and went on with my work day.

A few hours later, I had a moment and figured I'd add the funds on the card to the stupid Starbucks app, then move those funds to the existing digital card that's already on the app and then delete that new card from the app. Most of that process went off without a hitch, except for the fact that I didn't pay exact attention at a crucial moment and accidentally moved $25 from by credit card onto the digital Starbucks card, before finalizing the actual plan.

I was annoyed but had to continue on with my day. (It's also a rare moment wherein my card was not absolutely maxed to bejesus and back. So it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Usually, out of necessity of paying back/down everything else first, my card has to remain constantly about to explode. Which is fun mental health-wise. So whines the aging millennial into the lying abyss...)

Anyhow as the day drew to a close I was able to chatting with Starbucks customer service. Here now is an abridged overview of that conversation:

Let's skip the pleasantries and get to them telling me to call them, because of course.

Agent: Please know that we are only authorized to add funds on the Starbucks card, incase (sic) you need the refund back on your debit card, please call us. You can reach us at 1-800-782-7282. Please have the reference # REDACTED available. Customer: Ah so it is possible to get the accidentally moved funds back on my credit card but it can only be done over the phone, correct? Agent: Yes!

Posing the scenario that doesn't fit.

Customer: Hmm. Okay. May I ask why that is? And one other question. This isn't the case at the moment, but I have had a previous situation wherein I was involved in an accident and suffered an injury to my throat. Therefore I couldn't talk for a while. I had to resolve something with a different company and they were able to accommodate me via email on something that would normally be done over the phone. How would Starbucks accommodate me if that were the case? Agent: In the case this will be done on email and our supervisor will handle that for you.

Oh. Turns out you can just get it done without calling them. Funny that...

Customer: Ah okay. Thank you for clarifying. Is there an option to download (sic) transcript of this conversation at the end of the chat? If not could you provide me a copy via email? Agent: As we are the chat team we do not have access to email. Hope you understand.

*Can I get a transcript? *

Customer: Okay. Would you know how I would otherwise get a copy of the transcript? Agent: Just a minute! Customer: Sure thing. Thanks!

YOU SERIOUSLY CA-

Agent: Just a minute! Customer: Sure thing. Thanks! Agent: I am checking. Customer: No worries. I appreciate your help. Thanks you. Customer: I am extremely sorry, but I was unable to find the way to download the transcript.

I skipped a little here but the gist was me thanking them for trying and saying "hopefully there's a download option when the chat ends". I was going to say another thing after that but-

Agent: Thank you for contacting our live chat. If you need any further assistance, we're at your service. Have a nice day! AGENT DISCONNECTED. Agent has ended the conversation. The conversation has ended. You can download the transcript of this conversation. DOWNLOAD. Thank you for using our support chat.

Any guesses as to what happens when I tried to download that transcript?

Screenshot of a browser window. The url is long and stupid. Starbuckshelp.service something something bunch of numbers-letters and junk. The actual browser display is blank except for the words, "This user does not have access to this transcript."

So yeah. Starbucks sucks, big companies don't care about their customers, they especially don't care about the ones with accessibility concerns... What else is new?

Well, if you do need to get something done online with a big company and can't/don't want to call them; just remember that you've definitely been in an accident and it's definitely damaged your throat.

#article #blog post #capitalism #consumer #millennial #starbucks