That Song Gets Me. Every time.
Based on a collection of true experiences and blurry days.
With one swift final scoop and slurp, I grabbed the last handful of chocolates left in the bag and shoved them into my mouth. Following it with a swig of, now room temperature, root beer.
All the chaos had subsided. Everyone else was asleep. It was just me, alone in the living room with the steady blink of the lights on the Christmas tree; alongside the quiet dialog, of one Youtube video or another, about meal prepping dessert cups.
I could go to bed or I could watch more junk or I could turn on the game system and game some games. As full as I was, there didn't seem to be a difference. All came with their own ups and downs. Most of the downs were the same across the board though, I'd have to deal with what my brain was telling me.
About all the uncertainty about the new year. About the future in general. I could have that back and forth with myself again. It's not like it was new, but it's not like it ever helped...
I picked up my phone to check one of the apps for a few minutes. An hour and a half went by. I swore out loud.
I sat up and took a deep breath with my eyes closed. Something small raised its hand in my mind. I typed into the other app on the TV and started a random episode of a children's cartoon from my youth. A calmer one, I recalled. No explosions, no smashing of monsters against each other in hopes of selling action figures. The one with the curious bear who always dressed nicely. The light and hopeful notes of the theme song hit my ears and the tears came.
When the episode ended there were a few more tears. I remembered where I usually was when I watched this when I was young. Who was there and that I missed them. And I remembered that the curious bear and those around him had struggles but were always hopeful. Meeting those struggles as best as they could.
Life isn't a cartoon and I don't really have the energy of a young adventurous well dressed bear, but he gave me a push and for that I'm grateful.